I Came Face To Face With Fear

Thieves broke into my house and there are certain things I now know about fear.
Fear is a Spirit.
It lurks around our neighbourhood but we would never really know it until we come face to face with it.
Fear opens you up to the reality that 'life na per head' and if fear visits you it could mess you up so much that even in the midst of people you feel alone and very afraid.
You can never really call yourself bold until you have come face to face with fear and survived.

I still recall the feeling of blood rushing to my head, my heart beating fast and my feet feeling cold when it gets dark.

There is paranoia too.

I would wake up at night and rush to my kitchen to grab a knife for self defence only to run back to my room to find my friend sleeping soundly on the bed.
I always forgot that I was not alone in the house, my friend had come to stay with me till I was strong enough to be alone yet I felt alone. I would wake up at midnight and stay awake till 4:30am.
I was getting less than two hours sleep and still had work to deal with.

When night came fear would lurk eyes with me daring me to sleep. Peace had fled in the presence of fear, those two can never live together.

It was crazy - I was going crazy.

I had to move to my friend's house cos I almost died the night I tried to sleep alone.
I was awake from 11pm till 6pm too scared to sleep and I realized I had not healed.

Let me state here that I'm the girl that was never afraid.
I could walk the most lonely road at midnight without the fear of being attacked.

I once was attacked in 2016 by seven armed men dressed in Army uniforms and face mask. They had jumped into my compound at past 1am and I was alone in a compound that had 6 apartments.
It was newly built and I was the first to move in. The house before mine was uncompleted and the one after was just at the foundation stage.

I was alone but I faced them confident that God would not let them harm me.
After the incident I stayed with friends for a few days because my Mum thought it was unsafe to be alone but I went home and continued living in my house until my neighbours moved in.

I always said to myself that the fear files have been deleted.

That was until I came face to face with fear again - this time I was ill prepared.

No wonder the Bible says in Proverbs 24:10 that "if you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small".
I fainted not because I didn't have strength but because my strength was SMALL.

It all started when thieves broke into my house a few weeks ago.
Not my compound - my house.
I had woken up after I dreamt that someone was trying to break into my house. I stayed awake, praying and worshipping for 2 hours then I dozed off for a few minutes and woke up again to see light in my kitchen.
I got up immediately grabbed my phones as I asked  'Who is there'? - like I expected the thieves to introduce themselves.
That was when I saw them, two boys rushing towards me, I began to scream for help and ran out fast to open my front door.
They had broken in through the back door but couldn't harm me or steal anything because God kept me awake.
They left but fear stayed back robbing me of sleep and peace.
Now everyone says I am dealing with the trauma and I nod in affirmation but deep in my heart I know 'TRAUMA' is just an English word that describes the smallness of my strength and my lack of Faith in a God never sleeps and always protects his own.

I am learning though to build my strength by renewing my mind. I am reading books, listening to messages and studying the word.
I cannot fully say I'm good to sleep alone yet heck the sound of the wind rustling startles me and blood rushes to my head when night comes but I'll keep working on my mind.

I came face to face with fear and learned that it is not just a feeling that can be shaken off but a Spirit that can only be overpowered by another Spirit. No wonder the Bible assures us that we have been given the Spirit of power, love and a sound mind in place of fear.
I came face to face with fear and I have chosen to rise and not bow.