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Thursday 2 March 2017

Today She Is The Tired SuperWoman

She takes a deep breath and exhales. She smiles as she tells herself she should do this more often - inhale and exhale. It is the first time she is smiling truly since the day began.

She smiled in the morning when she took selfies with colleagues but that was for the Camera, she smiled also as she walked and the compliments about her looks reeled out of people's mouths but that was just an act of courtesy, she smiled too at Lunch time when a colleague came to her table with supposed 'hot' gist about irrelevant gossip but that was just to act interested in the 'booooooring' talk and she smiled also when her 'self acclaimed confused' boyfriend sent her a text 'hey beautiful, hawa you', she smiled because she relished the fact that he remembered to send a text even if she knew in her heart that it meant nothing and he probably sent same to other girls - she smiled still.

Now the day is ending and she is home.

She walks to the fridge, pours herself a glass of fruit juice and as she walks to the kitchen her eyes catch the frame on the wall of her dining room. The words come out to her 'a strong Woman wears her pain like a Stiletto and smiles even when all she wants to do is cry. No matter how much it hurts, all you see is beauty' - she is that woman.

The one who smiles even when she feels like crying, the one whose makeup is always well done and who is always dressed to the nines. The one who reminds the other girls to get their act together and not depend on anyone else, the one who sings with passion in the midst of adversity - she is the one, the 'strong' woman.

Today though she is not that strong Woman, today she is the 'Tired Woman'.

The one that is tired of acting tough even when she is broken inside, the one that is tired of being there for everyone else but has no one to lean on, the one that is tired of cheering others on but has to encourage herself when she feels demotivated, the one that is tired of wearing her pain like a Stiletto and smiling when all she wants to do is cry, Miss Fix it, the one that is tired of singing in the midst of adversity - today she is the tired woman that wants to be held as she let her tears flow freely, she is the woman that is tired of tolerating and putting up with a 'seemingly confused' man whose actions never matched his words, she is the woman that wants to be given a foot rub and an assurance that she will never walk alone, today she wants to be cheered, today she simply wants to be a girl - tender and vulnerable without fear of being taken for granted.

She smiles again as she recalls the abuse she suffered in the hands of her Aunt who took her in when her Mum who had remarried after a divorce with her Father, told her she couldn't bring her in to live with her new husband as she wanted to protect her marriage. Her Aunt never failed to remind her that she was a liability whom no one wanted. She recalls also having to menial work to survive in school and getting into a relationship with the first guy that made her feel loved - How was she to know he was just a loser on heat? He ripped her clothes, body, heart, self esteem and the resultant heart break almost ripped her life but she survived.

She smiles again as she recalls all she went through till she got her job and started her business - doing interior decor. Through it all she learned dependence and reliance on God.

She learned also to bottle her emotions and look out for herself in a 'dog eat dog' world. She learned to wear her pain like a Stiletto and smile when all she wants to do is cry.

Today though she is tired of being strong.
She walks into her Kitchen and makes to turn on the Gas cooker to prepare dinner but she turns it off again.
Today she wouldn't cook dinner, she will go get her favourite Burger and a bowl of Ice cream. She will indulge and not bother about calories or fat.

Afterwards she will soak herself in her bath tub and then crawl into bed to watch her favourite TV show till she falls asleep. Today she will drop the strong woman garb and just breathe - she will pick it up again tomorrow but today Superwoman needs to take a back seat, for now she is a tired woman who needs a break from being strong.

1 comment:

  1. This is lovely. Sometimes one's just gotta hang his/her superman/woman suit and stretch comfortably whatever that means.

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