When A Guy Wouldn't Say What He Wants

’Why you dey ask me if I love you afterall the things wey I don do? You suppose know by now’… these are lyrics from Bez Idakula’s song ‘You suppose know’ which I am currently listening to and I must confess that it’s one song I never get tired of listening to.

I love the happy feel of the song and it also gets me feeling mushy…even now I am smiling ‘aww, what a beautiful thing to be loved and desired’.

Yes it’s a beautiful thing to be desired but how can one tell when one is desired?

Let me rephrase, how do I know when a man likes me if he doesn’t say it?

 And please don’t tell me you would know by his actions even when he doesn’t say it. Or haven’t you seen guys who act all lovey dovey with you only to deny when you ask if they have feelings?

Mbok, if you would not say what you feel for me and want from me, I will not bother about trying to decipher –I don’t do sign language or erm erm…action language.

I almost tried it once and thank God I asked early if not now how dem shoot bird and im mama fly leave am naim we for dey talk now.

I had an experience recently with a former friend who thought I was supposed to just know I am his girlfriend by his actions.

His exact words were ‘if you were not my girlfriend why would I be doing the things I have done’. By the way the things he referred to are evening outings, movies and him cooking dinner o – so don’t go thinking I spent his money a la Naija girl style.

I looked at him askance ‘bros we never discussed relationship na, am I supposed to read your mind’, and he was offended.

Did I do wrong?

I believe men are capable of actively chasing a woman they want and that includes telling her without mincing words that they want a relationship.

If he does not say he wants a relationship and you assume from his actions that you are in a relationship because of his actions then don’t be surprised when he reminds that he promised you nothing when you clamour for commitment. I interact with enough males – friends, colleagues – to know this.

I wonder though why some guys wouldn’t say what they feel. Maybe it’s the fear of rejection or maybe the fear of commitment. Whatever it is, it reeks of a lack of seriousness and immaturity when a man wouldn’t admit his feelings and expectations expecting a girl to just know.

Some may argue that a guy could say what he thinks a girl wants to hear even if it’s a lie but then you would at least know he said he wanted a relationship and it wasn’t you assuming.

I am not a man and may not understand certain things, so…

Anyway Bez is still singing in the remix where he featured Yemi Alade and as I enjoy this song I will remind myself that if a man wouldn’t be straightforward about his feelings and expectations then he can’t be trusted or taken seriously.

Gracias!