Dear Future Husband

My Love,

How are you? 

I ask this question knowing that I will get no response but I know someday soon when I ask, I will get a response from you. 

As I write this I have tears streaming down my face not because I'm a cry baby but because today I feel overwhelmed. There's just so much going on. 

I think about you sometimes and when I do, I pray for you.

I have searched for you my love amongst men of different tribes, through different races, skin colours, social and educational background.

I have met men that sounded and acted like you but time always proves they are not you as all they had to offer was sweet talk that only left me with mental diabetes. 

I have had promises made and broken, I have been here, there and everywhere in my search for you.

I realize now though that I have been busy playing God when I ought to just wait, trust and pray for you to find me.

But don't blame me, I have been told severally that I have to shine my eyes and be smart and so I tried to be smart. I have been told I would have to kiss a lot of frogs to find my Prince and God knows it's been an exercise in futility. I have learned now though that Frogs will be Frogs and Princes will be Princes and no amount of kissing will change a person's nature. So here I am, still waiting and praying.

Today I am writing to let you know that I'll wait for you.

I have loved and lost, I have given my time and expended my energy on men who did nothing to earn it and because they couldn't handle it, they abused it but from here on the search is over. 

Today I give it all to the Author of love because he is love and has written our story since the beginning of time. I give my will over and I surrender my desires. I have ended my dance with men and entered into his arms. I will waltz with him and learn at his feet because I know when the time is right, he will hand me to you and watch over us as we waltz through life and walk the path he designed for us.

Until then, I will keep learning about love, mercy and grace. I am learning to love the God kind of way - in spite of flaws and mistakes. I have started with myself and those around me and trust me it's hard but I am learning that it's possible.

I hope to love you faithfully with patience and see you through God's eyes 'an imperfect being like me who deserves grace when he strays'. 

The tears have stopped flowing and now I'm smiling...thoughts of you make me smile - a lot.

There's so much I have to say but I will stop here today and will hopefully write you again soon.

Till then I will reiterate that I will wait for you because when you come I'll know.

You will need me like flowers need the rain not because you are incomplete on your own but because I'm part of your destiny, a component of your chemistry, the bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh. 

Unlike the others you will love me in all my forms because God has put in you the ability and grace to love me as a husband should - like Christ loved the Church and gave himself for her. 

You will open my closet and when you realise that just like everyone else I too have got my skeletons, you will help me clean up and you will stay.

I pray for you everyday that God will teach you to honour him and surrender to his will. I pray that he prospers and favours you. I pray that in a world where there are over 6 billion people, you will know me when you see me.

I will write you again soon my darling.

Yours, 

Okiemute.

Waiting 90 Days Before Sex And Other Rules: Steve Harvey's Advice On Keeping A Man

I have seen the film adaptation of Steve Harvey's book 'Act like a lady, Think like a man' and not only was I entertained, the 'SUPER CUTE' actors were a delight to watch, oh how they made me gasp in excitement as I watched them deliver their roles.

I recently picked up the book and spent the last 3 days perusing it.
I am a woman and I may never understand how a man thinks so a man trying to give me insight into how men think aroused my curiosity.
I mean how can I 'think like a man' and still be able to 'act like a lady'? So I decided to read what Steve had to offer.

Steve offered great insights into how men think in relationships but I disagree with some of his advice and I will share my reasons with you.

Steve wrote about 'The 90 day rule'.
He advised that women wait 90 days and make a man work for it before giving him sex as a benefit of being in the relationship.
I don't know if that has worked for some people but I do know that if a man just wants sex, he will wait 10 years if need be - while probably sleeping with someone else -  and when he finally 'hits it', he will still run with a speed that will give Usain Bolt a run for his money.
Men reading this know it's true, some of you have waited 365 days and after you had sex, you disappeared so fast that even Willy Willy had nothing on you.

I think a man will stay with you only if he 'WANTS TO' whether you have sex with him or not. As such a lady ought to do what she wants for herself and not because she wants to keep a man.

Steve also wrote that men love sex so much and cannot live without it. He in fact stated that men connect in relationships by having sex. While this may be good information, I think he convinced me to think men are not only controlled by their primal nature, they will do anything for sex and price sex above anything else in a relationship.
I am not a man and so I wouldn't know if Steve is speaking for himself or for the generality of men but from relating with men, I do not quite agree with Steve on this.

Steve also advised that I ask a man about his relationship with God before committing to him because a man who has no relationship with God can't be trusted.

This one left me perplexed.

How can you advise me to find a man who has a relationship with God and still advise me to 'gbensh' after 90 Days - isn't that contradictory?
I am not here to judge but if we profess to FEAR God, we shouldn't make it seem like there's nothing wrong with fornicating.
If I 'do it' before marriage, I ought to acknowledge that it's a sin and seek God's forgiveness and grace.
We mustn't become so civilized that we decide to revise or edit God's word. He is merciful but his word will not change.
Sex before marriage is still a sin and not a prerequisite for a successful relationship.

In conclusion, I think the whole idea of thinking like a man may help me understand men but it defeats the  purpose of my being a woman especially in a society where women are required to be everything but themselves. I also think that this book kinda pits women against men as opponents instead of partners in a relationship.
Love is not war, it is not a fight.
I learned from the book and had some of my opinions reaffirmed but Steve also left me with some questions such as:
Can I think like a Man and retain my authentic self as a Woman? Are we saying that just being a Woman is not enough? If for instance I finally think like a man just to get a man, do I need to keep thinking like a man for the relationship to be sustained? If ladies succeed in thinking like men, who will fill the vacuum where the ladies once existed?
Lastly is my existence validated by my ability to 'get' a man?

I think it's best to let the knowledge of God's word guide you in your relationships after all it was he who looked and said 'it is not good for man to be alone, I'll make him an help-meet' which is why he CREATED the Woman.

What are your thoughts?

A Prophet And A Prostitute: The Greatest Love Story Ever Told

I am a lover of love and romantic movies are my favorites. 

I have also read a great number of love stories and some of my favorites are from the Bible. 

The story of Abraham and Sarah, Queen Esther and King Ahasuerus, Ruth and Boaz are all time favorites but that of Jacob and Rachel was undisputably the best for me until today when I read a love story from the chronicles of the Old Testament - a story that is hardly ever told even though it depicts grace and love that is enduring, reckless and shameless.

This is the story of a Prophet and a Prostitute - Hosea and Gomer.

I am sure you are wondering how such a union can work and even I was taken aback when I tried to picture the scenario. I mean they are unequally yoked, obviously from different social strata, one 'Responsible, Respected, Godly and Of high standing' and the other 'Dirty, Unclean, Cheap, Irresponsible and a WHORE'.

Now let me tell you the story.

God had instructed the young Prophet Hosea to pick a Prostitute named Gomer as his wife because God wanted to demonstrate his everlasting and shameless love for his people through Hosea's marriage to a prostitute.

I imagine that Hosea had different plans for his life. He must have kept himself pure for his very special bride. A maiden whom other men may have tried to woo but couldn't get. She would be a beautiful woman of virtue. A role model for his daughters, a mentor for other girls, a Proverbs 31 woman and befitting of his status as a Prophet. She would be a solid 10.

Isn't God supposed to grant him his heart's desire? 

So why is he being instructed to marry a prostitute? How would he even approach her? On the street corner as she bargained with her customers? What can be Holy about such matrimony? 

Again I imagine Hosea thinking "Oh God this must be my mind playing tricks on me" but it was God who spoke.

Hosea obeyed God, went to seek Gomer and when he saw her, he fell in love with her. God put a passion in his heart for this prostitute and he loved her in a way that defied logic and common sense.

And so it was that Hosea married Gomer the prostitute.

He relocated her, brought her into a neighborhood that she previously wouldn't have been allowed into, gave her his name, bequeathed to her his property and gave her the benefit of his legacy.

Hosea made a lady out of a Prostitute.

All was well for a while until Gomer went back to her old ways. She committed adultery and when she bore children none of them looked like Hosea rather they looked like other men in the city. Hosea still loved and cared for them but one day he returned home and Gomer wasn't there. He thought it was her usual way of going out till late and he waited till late in the night hoping that she would return after she may have entertained her customers but she did not. 

He went out to the streets late in the night in search of his wife and when he saw her, she was dirty and lay naked on the slave table in the middle of town. Men jeered at her and poked her. A sale was going on and it was Gomer that was being auctioned to the highest bidder - what a shameful sight for a Prophet's wife. 

Hosea must have felt hurt and humiliated but his love was greater than what he felt and heard. As the Men jeered on, he reached into his pockets, emptied his purse and gave his all to reclaim his wife.

He loved her shamelessly beyond her past, forgave her present sins and even paid for her future. What a love!

I imagine Gomer must have drooped her head in shame and probably begged Hosea to let her be as she was unworthy of his love but while everyone including Gomer herself saw a prostitute, Hosea saw the one that made his heart beat, a woman who deserved his all and that was what he gave to her.

This is the story of a Prophet's shameless love that redeemed a Prostitute, proof that even broken hearts can give unbroken love.

It depicts the kind of love God has for us, a love that just wouldn't let go and it is to me THE GREATEST LOVE STORY EVER TOLD.

Sometimes You Have To Walk Away

There comes a time in life when we have to consciously, cautiously, calculatively and carefully do not just what feels good for us but what is right for us and the people we know.
Walking away may mean severing ties with people who once meant everything to us and may cost us seemingly valuable relationships but sometimes the hardest thing to do is the right thing to do.

This is usually never easy and you may have to make this decision more than once especially if you find yourself going back but know that your greatest test usually results in your greatest victory.
Walking away is never easy but this is what courage is about - being able to walk away from people, places, things, habits and thoughts that no longer serve any good.

Find the voice to say 'NO' even when you are not convinced, say it so much so that your mind begins to believe it. Remind yourself of all that is in store for you and before long you will find yourself saying 'YES' to the best.
When the Bible says in Philippians 4:13 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me', it meant EVERYTHING - emotions, feelings, habits, people, thoughts can all be defeated but you have to decide that it's possible because it is.

You therefore have to find the strength to walk away from the weight and sin that besets you so as to walk into God's will for your life.

True Friendships

As humans we are made for relationships and almost on a daily basis we form relationships while interacting with people. Some of these relationships will leave so much impact in our lives that we would be willing to risk anything to keep them. 
Sometimes because we treasure these relationships we displease some people and even ourselves just to keep them.There are situations when you know that a firm 'NO' is all you should say to people but you may end up saying 'YES' against your will - just to please. When this happens often then there is a problem because our principles and values are what make us as such we ought to always value principles over relationships. 
The goal of a relationship/friendship should be oneness and not sameness, it is about letting each party retain their authentic self instead of having them become what you want them to be. So when one repeatedly lets go of core values and principles in a bid to keep relationships or friendships, then one may lose their sense of self and become a slave to that relationship.
Relationships should change us in a way that we become the best version of ourselves and instead of fitting into the mould created by others. 
So while we strive to influence and be influenced by others the goal should be to make them better instead having them lose themselves and sacrificing their values to please us - this is the mark of true friendship.